Author Archive

King Says, Benji Says (Super Bowl Edition)

February 6, 2010

Who Dat?

Just Kidding!

We (myself, Brian and His Majesty) are all taking the Colts…

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King Says, Benji Says (Conference Championship Round)

January 24, 2010

Okay, no more messing around. You know I mean business when I start breaking out the James Van Der Beek pictures! With two rounds to go, I trail His Majesty by one pick and I fully intend to pull out another playoff comeback against his Royal Doofusness…

Last Week:

Peter King: 2-2

Brian: 1-3

Benji: 2-2


Playoffs:

Peter King: 4-4

Benji: 3-5

Brian: 2-6

New York Jets (11-7) at Indianapolis Colts (15-2)

King Says: Colts

Benji Says: Colts

Brian Says: Jets

Minnesota Vikings (13-4) at New Orleans Saints (14-3)

King Says: Saints

Benji Says: Vikings

Brian Says: Saints

King Says, Benji Says: Divisional Round

January 16, 2010

Let’s keep this short and sweet, like a…(the above picture fills in the blank)

Last Week:

Peter King: 2-2

Brian: 1-3

Benji: 1-3

Arizona Cardinals (11-6) at New Orleans Saints (13-3)

King Says: Saints

Benji Says: Cardinals

Brian Says: Saints

Baltimore Ravens (10-7) at Indianapolis Colts (14-2)

King Says: Colts

Benji Says: Colts

Brian Says: Ravens

Dallas Cowboys (12-5) at Minnesota Vikings (12-4)

King Says: Cowboys

Benji Says: Vikings

Brian Says: Cowboys

New York Jets (10-7) at San Diego Chargers (13-3)

King Says: Chargers

Benji Says: Chargers

Brian Says: Chargers

Hall of Shame?

January 12, 2010


In this week’s Monday Morning Quarterback, King has truly outdone even his unique propensity for producing self-eating logic:

“Now some words about the quarterback [Kurt Warner] who is singlehandedly forcing me, one of the 44 Pro Football Hall of Fame voters, to act like the five-year donut hole in the middle of his career is a crack in the sidewalk and not the Grand Canyon. I don’t like to judge active players for the Hall, and I won’t.

After reading that section (and as I continued to read), I thought to myself, “well, besides defeating his own logic within the same paragraph, I bet all I have to do is wait a few weeks for him to write an article about a current player he thinks is deserving of getting into the Hall and”–oh wait, at the bottom of the SAME PAGE he makes the following declaration while discussing this year’s MVP voting:

As for [Chris] Johnson, it’s simple. We have one vote. He might be a close second, but unless you judge Johnson, a runner on an 8-8 team, to be more valuable than Manning, who had his second-best season of a walk-in Hall of Fame career for a 14-2 team. . .”

So let me get this straight–in half a page, King goes from claiming not to discuss current players’ Hall of Fame credentials to calling a player a “walk-in” Hall of Famer? So basically he’s saying that it’s okay to contradict yourself in your writing…so long as your contradictions support another argument that you want to make?

Did Somebody Have an Accident?

January 12, 2010

Brady peed himself?

Guess the Ravens really do knock the “piss” out of people…

King Says, Benji Says (Wildcard Weekend)

January 9, 2010

Not only did I not make a last-second comeback in the final week of the picking regular season, His Majesty actually added to his lead. Despite successfully predicting the outcome of 12 out of the 16 games, His Majesty did me three better, with his lone incorrect pick being Denver over Kansas City. Believe me, as you can see above, The King is feeling pretty good about himself at the moment. Well, he can talk as much smack as he wants–he defeated me handily in the regular season last year too, only to lose in the playoffs. As the old saying goes: those who do not remember past pigskin picking mistakes are doomed to repeat them…

Final Regular Season Standings:

Peter King (179-77)

Benji (170-86)

Brian (150-106) (Editor’s Note: Brian inexplicably forgot to make his picks last week)

Wild Card Round:

New York Jets (9-7) at Cincinnati Bengals (10-6)

King Says: Jets

Benji Says: Bengals

Brian Says: Bengals

Philadelphia Eagles (11-5) at Dallas Cowboys (11-5)

King Says: Cowboys

Benji Says: Eagles

Brian Says: Eagles

Green Bay Packers (11-5) at Arizona Cardinals (10-6)

King Says: Packers

Benji Says: Cardinals

Brian Says: Packers

Baltimore Ravens (9-7) at New England Patriots (10-6)

King Says: Patriots

Benji Says: Patriots

Brian Says: Ravens



King Says, Benji Says (2010 Garbage Time Edition)

January 3, 2010

Hey there, everyone. As you can probably guess from the photo, His Majesty and I had an interesting time ringing in the new decade. It finally occurred to us this morning that we still needed to make our picks for the final week of the NFL regular season…

Last Week:

Peter King (11-5)

Benji (7-9)

Brian (9-7)

Overall:

Peter King (164-76)

Benji (158-82)

Brian (150-90)

Games we agree on:

49ers over Rams

Steelers over Dolphins

Bills over Colts

Texans over Patriots

Jets over Bengals

Bears over Lions

Vikings over Giants

Falcons over Buccaneers

Ravens over Raiders

Titans over Seahawks

Games we disagree on:

Jacksonville Jaguars (7-8) at Cleveland Browns (4-11)

King Says:

In the past three weeks, Cleveland has won three games; Minnesota and New Orleans have combined to win two. And I still think the odds are against Eric Mangini keeping his job when he pow-wows with Mike Holmgren early next week.

Prediction: Cleveland Browns 26, Jacksonville Jaguars 20

Benji Says:

No team with Derek Anderson as its starting quarterback can possibly be good enough to win four games in a row…

Prediction: Jacksonville Jaguars 24, Cleveland Browns 16

Philadelphia Eagles (11-4) at Dallas Cowboys (10-5)

King Says:

Game-of-the-year type game, and somehow I see a Miles Austin-DeSean Jackson duel in Arlington. I love this game. Both teams will enter the postseason playing better than the Vikes and Saints.

Prediction: Dallas Cowboys 24, Philadelphia Eagles 23

Benji Says:

While the Cowboys are definitely an above average team, I think that the Eagles are in a class above them. Of course, Philly also lost to Oakland earlier this year, so what do I know?

Prediction: Philadelphia Eagles 30, Dallas Cowboys 23

New Orleans Saints (13-2) at Carolina Panthers (7-8)

King Says:

I want to see the Saints turn it around. I really do. It’d be good for football, good for the postseason. But did you see the Panthers last week? No matter who runs the ball for this team, they’re a powerhouse right now, and they’ll play that way even though they’ve got nothing on the line. That’s the way they’ve been brought up in the John Fox system.

Prediction: Carolina Panthers 23, New Orleans Saints 20

Benji Says:

I don’t have a whole lot of logic to back this pick up with except for this fact: with Steve Smith out, the Panthers have no one to throw the ball to down the field. Maybe it won’t matter against backup quarterback Mark Brunell and with the way that Jonathan Stewart has been running the ball the past few weeks, but I’m skeptical…

Prediction: New Orleans Saints 20, Carolina Panthers 16

Kansas City Chiefs (3-12) at Denver Broncos (8-7)

King Says:

I think the football world is being a little too harsh on the Broncos. If they win this game, they finish 9-7. Think of it if you’re a Broncos fan: You’d have taken a 7-9 season and been delirious. So be happy with 9-7 and playoffless.

Prediction: Denver Broncos 23, Kansas City Chiefs 13

Benji Says:

The Broncos are missing their top three receivers for this game. The Chiefs have also played much better down the stretch.

Prediction: Kansas City Chiefs 17, Denver Broncos 13

Green Bay Packers (10-5) at Arizona Cardinals (10-5)

King Says:

Packers are in with a win or loss, but they’d better do something about the penalties for the playoffs: They’re first in the league in accepted penalties (114, for 1,038 yards).

Prediction: Green Bay Packers 31, Arizona Cardinals 23

Benji Says:

I trust this Packers team about as far as I could throw the whole lot of them–which is not very far, because that would be a lot of combined weight. My reasoning for this pick, however, has nothing to do with my thoughts on either team’s starting string players–I just think that the Cardinals have better backups.

Prediction: Arizona Cardinals 26, Green Bay Packers 19

King Says, Benji Says (Week 16)

December 27, 2009

How about this for a late stocking stuffer? His Majesty and I, due to a series of food and spiked eggnog-related incidents, ran short of time this weekend. Thus, you have far less to read this week! Give your eyes and brain a much-needed rest and grab an adult beverage of your choice. The holidays only come once a year, after all…

Last Week:

Peter King (10-6)

Benji (9-7)

Brian (7-9)

Overall:

Peter King (153-71)

Benji (151-73)

Brian (141-84)

Games we disagree on:

Oakland Raiders (5-9) at Cleveland Browns (3-11)

King Says:

I give Derek Anderson the edge between backup quarterbacks in the Bad Teams Having Good Decembers Bowl.

Prediction: Cleveland Browns 26, Oakland Raiders 23

Benji Says:

What exactly has Derek Anderson done so far this season that leads you to believe he is a benefit to his team? I guess it must have been that win that he led the Browns to against the Bills when he masterfully completed 2 of 17 passing attempts. I guess anything could happen in this game, but at least the Raiders have some semblance of a defense…

Prediction: Oakland Raiders 17, Cleveland Browns 13

Baltimore Ravens (8-6) at Pittsburgh Steelers (7-7)

King Says:

I’m just following recent history. The last four games in this series have been decided by 3, 4, 6, and 9 points. This is a playoff game for both teams, and no two teams in the NFL hate each other as much as these two. I expect the most physical game of the weekend.

Prediction: Pittsburgh Steelers 17, Baltimore Ravens 16

Benji Says:

Thanks for the history lesson, Your Majesty, because it reminded me of something–I felt very strongly last season that these two teams were evenly matched and the Steelers won all three very close games in the series. How many times can two equal teams play each other (I’m discounting the Ravens’ win earlier this season when Big Ben was out) before the coin comes up tails instead of heads? I’m also not convinced that the Steelers’ defense is capable of containing Baltimore’s star running back, Ray Rice…

Prediction: Baltimore Ravens 28, Pittsburgh Steelers 24

Buffalo Bills (5-9) at Atlanta Falcons (7-7)

King Says:

Bills have franchise-record 18 players on injured-reserve. I wouldn’t be surprised if ace Bills PR man Scott Berchtold puts out this press release sometime this weekend: “Entire Bills Roster Placed On IR; Toronto Argonauts Roster Signed For Final Two Weeks.”

Prediction: Atlanta Falcons 30, Buffalo Bills 13

Benji Says:

I may regret this pick, but I just can’t bring myself to go with the Falcons after seeing what their secondary is (in)capable of. The Bills, if nothing else, have a couple of deep threat receivers in Terrell Owens and Lee Evans. The Falcons are just a mess right now on offense and defense…

Prediction: Buffalo Bills 23, Atlanta Falcons 16

As for the rest of the games:

King and Benji Say:

Patriots over Jaguars

Bengals over Chiefs

Dolphins over Texans

Packers over Seahawks

Giants over Panthers

Saints over Buccaneers

49ers over Lions

Cardinals over Rams

Colts over Jets

Eagles over Broncos

Cowboys over Redskins

Vikings over Bears

King Says, Benji Says (Christmas Edition)

December 24, 2009

Ho, Ho, Ho–Merry Christmas, everyone! His Majesty and I are appropriately dressed for the occasion. Heed our words of “wisdom” lest you end up with a lump of coal in your stocking tomorrow morning. Without further ado, here are our thoughts on the Christmas Day game…

San Diego Chargers (11-3) at Tennessee Titans (7-7)

King Says:

It’s probably too late for Philip Rivers to wrest the 2009 MVP away from Peyton Manning, but he’s going to do his darndest to try, starting with a drive inside the two-minute warning to win this one.

Prediction: San Diego Chargers 24, Tennessee Titans 22

Benji Says:

San Diego quarterback Philip Rivers has been one of the top quarterbacks in the league this season, but I worry about his defense, especially against the Titans, a team tailor-made to beat the Chargers. Tennessee running back Chris Johnson has a shot at breaking the all-time single season rushing record and the Chargers are allowing 4.4 yards per carry. And, for what it’s worth, the Titans need this game far more than the Chargers do…

Prediction: Tennessee Titans 28, San Diego Chargers 24

King Says, Benji Says (Week 15)

December 19, 2009

What do I have to do impress His Majesty? Finish tied or ahead of him in six consecutive weeks? Beat him by one pick last week to pull within one game in the overall standings? Defeat him in a super hot wing-eating contest? Actually, I might have just defeated myself in that last one. Regardless, all I get from King is condescension! Don’t worry, King, I don’t get mad—I get even…by going emo! Cue the Morrissey songs and toss me a tight, black outfit with chain accessories. Be on guard, you so-called football guru—eyeliner is the new eye black…

Last Week:

Peter King (11-5)

Benji (12-4)

Brian (12-4)

Overall:

Peter King (143-65)

Benji (142-66)

Brian (134-75)


Dallas Cowboys (8-5) at New Orleans Saints (13-0)

King Says:

Tony Romo, the choker who goes catatonic once the calendar turns to January, is a 68-percent passer with 950 yards, seven touchdown and no picks in his last three games. Unfortunately, he’ll need to be even better — and play tackle — for Dallas to win in the ‘Dome.

Prediction: New Orleans Saints 30, Dallas Cowboys 26

Benji Says:

Maybe Romo can play some running back while he’s at it—top back Marion Barber has averaged only 3.3 yards a carry the last three weeks against three of the league’s weakest run defenses (the Giants, Chargers and Raiders). That being said, the Saints’ defense seems extremely suspect to me at this point in the season. Points will abound in this game, but as usual, that will work to New Orleans’ benefit.

Prediction: New Orleans Saints 40, Dallas Cowboys 33

Atlanta Falcons (6-7) at New York Jets (7-6)

King Says:

I’m no prude, and I don’t mind the occasional sideline tirade. It’s natural. But its happening a little too much for my liking with Mike Smith. If I knew Smith better, I’d tell him, “Mike, you’re obviously a bright coach and a good teacher of men. But the sideline tantrums have to stop. And many of the thousands of kids who watch the replays of you unglued on the sidelines can read lips. Is that the message you want to be sending to kids?”

Prediction: New York Jets 23, Atlanta Falcons 14

Benji Says:

For someone who isn’t a “prude,” you’ve spent way too much time over the last few weeks complaining about Atlanta coach Mike Smith and too little time actually analyzing Atlanta’s match-ups. All I ask is that you make a single mention of the catastrophic injuries to this team’s top two players (quarterback Matt Ryan and running back Michael Turner) that have knocked them out of the playoff race. Is that too much to ask? Why have I had to ask you for the same thing three weeks running?

Prediction: New York Jets 20, Atlanta Falcons 13

Arizona Cardinals (8-5) at Detroit Lions (2-11)

King Says:

All I can say about the turnover-happy Cards is this: The next back to fumble again (Tim Hightower or Beanie Wells) will be sitting on the bench for a long, long time. Perhaps until August.

Prediction: Arizona Cardinals 33, Detroit Lions 13

Benji Says:

All I can say about your analysis of the Cardinals is this: a team is allowed to have a bad game once in awhile. Arizona played terrible all across the board on Monday, and Hightower and Wells have both been productive backs all season long. As for this game, look out, Detroit…

Prediction: Arizona Cardinals 35, Detroit Lions 10

Houston Texans (6-7) at St. Louis Rams (1-12)

King Says:

I love how the NFL can make the horrendous sound just fine. In the league’s game-preview capsules this week, discussing Rams-Texans, there’s this about the nightmare five-interception starting debut from Keith Null last week: “Keith Null made NFL debut last week & threw 1st career TD.” Tiger Woods should hire the NFL writers. In the description of the wee hours of Nov. 27, the capsule would read: “Tiger wore seat belt effectively — Adjusted rear-view mirror well — Family healthy and enjoyed a tasty Thanksgiving meal.”

Prediction: Houston Texans 27, St. Louis Rams 6

Benji Says:

Let me give credit where credit is due: the paragraph above represents King’s best and most humorous analysis of the year. A cheap shot at Tiger, maybe, but the man kind of deserves it—even Santa Claus knows enough to stop after three hos…

Prediction: Houston Texans 30, St. Louis Rams 6

New England Patriots (8-5) at Buffalo Bills (5-8)

King Says:

Wind chill around 10 degrees at kickoff, with 15-mph winds coming off the lake. It’s a day for the short pass and the power running game. So while everyone will have their binocs on Randy Moss’ effort in Orchard Park, they’d be smarter to focus on Sammy Morris.

Prediction: New England Patriots 20, Buffalo Bills 16

Benji Says:

All very true, Your Majesty—but don’t the Patriots thrive on beating the Bills in these sorts of conditions? They play one of these windy, wintry games every year and the score is always ugly but never very close…

Prediction: New England Patriots 17, Buffalo Bills 6

Cleveland Browns (2-11) at Kansas City Chiefs (3-10)

King Says:

How about Brady Quinn (seven TDs, no picks in his past four games) outplaying Matt Cassel recently? The Chiefs are starting to get worried about Cassel.

Prediction: Cleveland Browns 17, Kansas City Chiefs 12

Benji Says:

It certainly has not helped Cassel’s chances to have only Chris Chambers (one of the most inconsistent receivers in recent memory) to throw to—he’ll be much better off now that Dwayne Bowe is back in uniform…

Prediction: Kansas City Chiefs 20, Cleveland Browns 13

Chicago Bears (5-8) at Baltimore Ravens (7-6)

King Says:

I use this score for old time’s sake. The last time these two teams met in the Land of the Crabcake, this was the score, and the game was the first in defense of the Super Bowl title. I could see Ray Lewis and his mates doing the same thing to the Jay Cutler version of the Bears.

Prediction: Baltimore Ravens 17, Chicago Bears 6

Benji Says:

For old time’s sake? This Ravens team is hardly Super Bowl caliber. Then again, they are still significantly better than the Bears…

Prediction: Baltimore Ravens 20, Chicago Bears 10

San Francisco 49ers (6-7) at Philadelphia Eagles (9-4)

King Says:

The Eagles are starting to be must-see TV. This is the first time in Andy Reid’s 11 years that, offensively, you just can’t look away because they’re so exciting.

Prediction: Philadelphia Eagles 34, San Francisco 49ers 24

Benji Says:

Unfortunately, you also can’t look away when their opponent is on offense. The Eagles’ defense looked horrendous last week against a Giants team that has struggled to score points for the entire second half of the season.

Prediction: Philadelphia Eagles 28, San Francisco 49ers 24

Miami Dolphins (7-6) at Tennessee Titans (6-7)

King Says:

What you don’t know about this game is how hamstring-hampered Vince Young will be — if he plays at all. If adrenalin can make him the real Vince Young, I like Tennessee. But I picked Miami because I don’t think he can move around the way he’ll need to against the Dolphins front.

Prediction: Miami Dolphins 24, Tennessee Titans 20

Benji Says:

If Vince Young is not healthy enough to play, Kerry Collins will be in the game. And with either quarterback at the helm, I think that the Titans will be able to make enough plays downfield to win the game. Miami’s cornerbacks are terrible, and with the way that Chris Johnson is running right now, the Dolphins will have to stack the line and expose them. Any way you look at it, I see this as a bad match-up for Miami…

Prediction: Tennessee Titans 24, Miami Dolphins 17

Oakland Raiders (4-9) at Denver Broncos (8-5)

King Says:

You get the feeling that if Charlie Frye weren’t on the roster, Tom Cable would have tried to get David Humm to come out of retirement to start this game. Anyone but JaMarcus Russell.

Prediction: Denver Broncos 31, Oakland Raiders 10

Benji Says:

Why don’t the Raiders get it over with and just cut Russell. They clearly want nothing to do with him at this point. Could he really be worse than Charlie Frye?

Prediction: Denver Broncos 30, Oakland Raiders 13

Cincinnati Bengals (9-4) at San Diego Chargers (10-3)

King Says:

Heavy-hearted Bengals fly west, sick about the death of their teammate, Chris Henry. Tough, tough day.

Prediction: San Diego Chargers 27, Cincinnati Bengals 13

Benji Says:

R.I.P. Chris Henry.

Prediction: San Diego Chargers 30, Cincinnati Bengals 13

Green Bay Packers (9-4) at Pittsburgh Steelers (6-7)

King Says:

My last-gasp Steelers pride, Steelers-are-better-than-this pick of the season. Time for Ben Roethlisberger the leader to take the offensive huddle by the throat and get it done. Almost went the other way because of the absence of guard Chris Kemoeatu. Maybe I should have, but I think James Harrison and LaMarr Woodley could bust up the Packers pocket.

Prediction: Pittsburgh Steelers 24, Green Bay Packers 20

Benji Says:

The Steelers should be “better than this,” but after losing to Oakland, Kansas City and Cleveland, they’ve done enough to prove to me that they’re not. Stick a fork in them already, King—they’re done.

Prediction: Green Bay Packers 24, Pittsburgh Steelers 17

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-12) at Seattle Seahawks (5-8)

King Says:

Not saying Matt Hasselbeck’s job in danger, but I am saying he’s 34, he hasn’t had a franchise-quarterback year since 2007, and has to show Jim Mora and the brass in the next three weeks reasons why they shouldn’t take a quarterback in the first two rounds.

Prediction: Seattle Seahawks 24, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 16

Benji Says:

I’m not saying I agree with your assessment of Matt Hasselbeck, Your Majesty, but I am saying that everything you said is factually correct—and that I’ve also been saying it since the beginning of the season. Yay for deliberately (and unnecessarily) deceptive sentences!

Prediction: Seattle Seahawks 24, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 16

Minnesota Vikings (11-2) at Carolina Panthers (5-8)

King Says:

They won’t need it this weekend, but the Vikings need to find a way to treat these Percy Harvin migraines. That’s trouble for January football, Favre minus Havre.

Prediction: Minnesota Vikings 23, Carolina Panthers 9

Benji Says:

Is it just me or does King have a really phun time with silly puns/homonyms? As for this game, the Panthers’ only strength is their ability to run the ball and the Vikings’ defense is built to stop the run. What a terrible match-up for Carolina…

Prediction: Minnesota Vikings 28, Carolina Panthers 10

New York Giants (7-6) at Washington Redskins (4-9)

King Says:

Somehow I doubt the Redskins will put all hands in the middle before taking the field at FedEx and say in unison, “Win it for Vinny!”

Prediction: New York Giants 27, Washington Redskins 26

Benji Says:

How do the Redskins’ players’ feelings about their recently resigned general manager have any affect on the outcome of this game? Also, can they really hate him that much? After all, he’s the one who signed all of them to play on the team! As for this game, I also expect the Redskins to again keep things close but somehow (method TBD) blow it in the fourth quarter. This team blows games it should win more “successfully” than any team in recent memory…

Prediction: New York Giants 20, Washington Redskins 17