King’s “Most Offensive” Comment of the Week

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In this week’s Monday Morning Quarterback, His Majesty bestows the third of his “Offensive Player of the Week” awards upon Tony Gonzalez, the long-time star tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs:

Tony Gonzales, TE, Kansas City. It’s a token award, but a deserving one for a great player who will toil in obscurity all season. His three catches for 17 yards gave him 841 receptions for an NFL tight-end-record 10,075 yards, passing Shannon Sharpe. Amazing thing is, he’s as healthy as a horse, is only 32, and could surely get to 1,000 catches, which I’m certain no forefather of this great game ever conceived a tight end would reach.

While I appreciate fully what Gonzalez has done to revolutionize the tight end position, and I believe that his career statistics are phenomenal, his offensive performance THIS WEEK was quite pedestrian. His team lost 34-0 to the Carolina Panthers and he only caught three passes for 17 yards. 19 other tight ends had better performances than him on Sunday, including such household names as the Colts’ Tom Santi (four catches for 27 yards and a touchdown) and the Packers’ Tory Humphrey (four catches for 67 yards). I understand that Gonzalez broke the record for most receiving yards by a tight end in this particular game, but his performance THIS WEEK, the week that he happened to break the record, was inconsequential. Let me put it in pop culture terms: Would awarding Robin Williams an Oscar for his acting in “License to Wed” be an effective way to honor him for his brilliant performances in “Good Will Hunting,” “Dead Poets Society,” and “Death to Smoochy?”

It’s not that I believe that giving Tony Gonzalez recognition for his fantastic career numbers in a season which, as The King points out, he “will toil in obscurity”, is a bad thing—I just think that said recognition is out of place in the weekly awards segment of His column. His Majesty has a section of MMQB completely dedicated to random thoughts and commentary, “Ten Things I Think I Think,” and that is where this paragraph about Gonzalez’s achievement would be placed, if He were to organize His column in a sensible and coherent manner. Finally, I hate to be nitpicky (okay fine, I lied, I actually kind of enjoy it), but if you are going to honor a talented player whose career you have followed and admired for the past twelve years, I would, at the least, expect you to know how to spell his last name. Gonzalez, not Gonzales.

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